Getting Over It vs. Moving Forward

The struggle is real, y'all. I truly had to be real with myself in order to get real with myself. Why was I keeping myself hostage to what was? Why did I continue to NOT allow myself to be happy? Why was I remaining in the spin cycle of sadness? Why was I afraid to live? Why was I angry to open up to Love?

I had so many questions that I was afraid to answer... honestly. I could not bear the reality of loss loved ones not being part of my future. That hurt like hell, and if I were to be honest, it still does. Those closest to me deserve to see how well I'm doing and celebrate my accomplishments with me. My child like heart still yells:

"momma I did it!"

"Granny, look at me"

"Dad, check out your baby girl!"

And the Wife in me says...

"Baby, we I got us!"

Then reality would set in and I would feel the devastation that places me back at day one. That's what hurts, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. Until now...

So guess what y'all. I had to put on my big girl panties and say, Brandy... check this out.

The internal conversation went something like this:

Yes, your Dad died. So did your Granny and your Mom. I am so sorry, your wife died. All of those losses happened and your feelings are real. But, you are still here. You're alive, and your purpose still needs to be realized. They all left you with something great... their eternal love. Those awesome memories that make you smile and bring you joy - pull from that goodness. Though they are not here physically, on the inside, all of those experiences with your loved ones made you into the person you are today. Thank them for that love and allow their legacies to live on within you. Move FORWARD versus trying to get over it. You will never get over it because their lives matter deeply and will forever be imprinted in your soul. You can however, move forward in LOVE and LIVING because you deserve it. Love does not punish. So stop punishing yourself!

Listen, listen to me! I felt a sense of comfort in my heart as I allowed those words to permeate within my being. As I felt them, I spoke them... move forward. That's it y'all. We must simply move forward. It doesn't mean not to remember, not to feel, not to honor, cast aside their existence, but simply move forward in love and living.

Everyday, I am my mother, father and grand mother's child. For the rest of my days I will be my late wife's love of her lifetime. Those are facts. Moving forward, honoring all that they are to me and finding joy in all of the experiences with them is what I NOW choose to carry. I hate they are no longer with me, but I am so grateful that I shared space, time, and life with them because had I not, I would not be me. So for each of them, I will move forward with love.

I'm not saying I won't (we won't) have moments of sadness. But, how we choose to move forward makes all the difference. Getting over it never felt right because it's not. You do not get over loss. Moving forward has shifted my mindset and helped me smile at the possibilities of my future with all of them in my heart. Just writing that made me feel good. They are all coming along for the joy-filled journey. That my Friends is the breakthrough I had about a week or so ago.

FORWARD... one foot in front of the next.

FORWARD... with love, honor and excitement in my heart.

FORWARD... knowing they love me so much and want me to experience MORE joy, happiness and love.

Forward, y'all. We must move forward!

Join me in moving FORWARD into 2021 with the excitement to live, love and be GREAT(er)! Let's continue to make our loved ones proud.

Much love and respect to everyone reading this. May your journey reveal what your heart needs to heal... in your own time.

b