Keeping it Honest

I've been giving myself pep talks, focusing on all that is good, was good and will be good in the near future. All of this has been in preparation of the holidays and New Year. Although everyone is quarantining, most have a sense of connectedness and belonging with family and close friends to keep their love cups filled. This I highly encourage if you have support.

See, for me, it's not the most comforting or happiest time of the year. This is MY kick in the butt to choose to connect and reestablish belonging. I must express gratitude for how far I've come, right? Life could be so much worse. 2020 has shown us how awful, lonely and uncertain life can be. On the flip side, acknowledging thankfulness for the good moments doesn't discount the heartaches. It does, however, provide evidence that GOOD exists and still happens. So I am choosing to express gratitude daily. Additionally, I will do my best to reconnect with family because I know they love and miss me. Same is true with my closest friends.

What's been challenging for me is, I've been disconnected for years and "hello" doesn't feel like it's enough. I feel like I owe more, ya know? But if I know my family and close friends as well as I think I do, it is enough. I rebuke that little voice telling me 'it's not enough' to keep me on this cycle of suffering in silence. I KNOW BETTER!

Truth be told, I don't apologize for my absence because it was necessary for my initial healing. Also, my heart didn't want to be connected to anyone, fearing I'd lose them too. Out of protection for myself, I am by myself in a sense; away from my family and friends. Is this the best way to cope with grief, no. But what I know is traumatic experiences can make us self isolate. So for me, these past 8 months have been normal due to COVID-19. However, reflecting on love, life and loss, I realize I do not want to lose out on LIVING.

If you have family and friends whom you've strayed away from, I challenge you to reconnect. Simply, pick up the phone and start with hello. Everything else will fall into place. Trust your heart and lean into love.

2021 - I am putting my best foot forward. If you can relate, join me in DOING the best you can. Give your best every single day. Imagine if you're pushing forward and your village is gently pulling you along with love, support, kindness, and care. You (WE) will be okay. I wish that for everyone reading this blog.

May grace, mercy and understanding meet you at every turn along your journey.

b