Growing up I was taught to not be selfish - context: don’t just think about yourself - share with your siblings, cousins and friends. We were taught that everything in our household was open for everyone. There was no “mine”. If you didn’t give - you were selfish and that didn’t feel good. That wasn’t good.
As I reflect back on that, I can understand the intent - consider others. However, teaching a person to not think of themselves, not to keep some thing’s for themselves, plants the seed to not hold oneself in high regard, diminishes the idea of self-care and for me personally, taught me to take on everyone else’s stuff and deal with “me” later.
Later - my stuff isn’t as important as their stuff.
Later - left to take care of me alone.
Later - maybe I’ll get to me if I have time and strength.
Though that may not have been the intent, it was surely the impact. I too believe we should consider the impact of our actions on others. However, we must properly define this “selfish” that is looked upon as negative and be clear of its definition.
Being selfish means there's a desire to take from others, often to their detriment.
During the safety talk before a plane takes off, the flight attendant instructs passengers to put on their oxygen mask first. That always bothered me; because it seemed selfish. I struggled with that concept. If we’re going down or experience problems, I’m making sure my daughter is safe first! That was my mindset.
“Don’t be selfish” was the mantra I repeated over and over again. I was to place others needs/wants ahead of my own - that’s what i was taught. So what is this, “think of you first” instruction I am now hearing?!
As you can imagine, confusion set in. I vacillated about this for years, y’all. Years - because an unclear definition was my guiding light.
There isn’t a “selfish” fiber in my being. So if I chose to put me first, to take care of me first, to make sure I’m good first, am I being selfish? Those were the questions I reflected on while meditating.
It wasn’t until recently that I had my “ah-ha” moment. If I do not take care of me, choose me, keep some things for myself, I cannot/ will not be my best self for others.
Self-care is energy restoration for your physical, mental and emotional well-being.
So if you must be “selfish” with your time to ensure you are recharging, restoring and loving you - do that unapologetically! It is not selfish, it is so very important.
Take good care of YOU and you will be better for others when you share space with them.
Love and light.
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